Dear Prudence
My parents? My bed? Setting loving limits
Dear Prudence:
I want to know how you handle people using land irresponsibly. I know people who raise animals that are of no use to anyone. They don’t provide meat or milk or eggs, or transportation, or do any work—they just eat grass and waste resources. If I could afford that many acres, I’d be growing food for people! This kind of waste makes me sick. How can I make them see what they’re doing?
—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted:
Your concern for humanity is admirable, and your desire to see land used wisely is understandable. If you continue on this line of thinking, however, you really will make yourself sick!
It would be more productive for you to focus on what you, yourself, can do to help humanity, rather than focusing on what others should be doing. Stick with your realm of control. I’m not just talking about your garden, though. Why not offer classes to landowners about maximizing usage, growing crops for food banks, or making good use of useless animal waste products? You might start a few extra tomato plants this year and take them over to your neighbors as a gift. Try to loosen your grip on what is “right” long enough to realize that joy is a gift to humanity, just as important as food.
If these animals bring people joy, there may be value in them after all. Don’t lose your passion for what you think is right, but please do find a way to respect people who see things differently. And in the meantime, seek happiness yourself! If you joyfully model the principles you hold dear, people will want to emulate you. It is possible to be both responsible
and happy. You may be just the person to show us how.
Dear Prudence:
I spent the weekend with a friend recently, and when I came home, I could tell that someone had been in my room. I asked my mom about it, and she got all embarrassed. Then my dad came in, and said that they had been in there, but they weren’t snooping. The way he looked at my mom gave me an idea of what they’d been doing in there. Gross! Can’t they
use their own room for that kind of thing? How can I tell them that my room is off limits for their “recreational activities?”
—Daughter of Decadence
Dear Daughter:
There’s probably part of you that’s feeling grateful for having parents who still love each other enough to be a little adventurous in their escapades. Then there’s part of you that doesn’t want to know how you were conceived. And there’s another part that feels like your parents have committed a boundary violation.
The primary issue for you is to be able feel like your room is your own again. You could create a small ritual to reclaim your space (see The Thundering Years by Julie Tallard Johnson for ideas about creating rituals, or check out Denise Linn’s Sacred Space for some thoughts about space clearing). Next, write your parents a letter letting them know
that you love them both and are proud of their relationship, and also that you’re feeling the need for more privacy now that you’re getting older. Ask them if they would agree to respect your room as your sanctuary, entering only when invited, so that you can feel both safe and independent at the same time. Few parents will disagree with a loving and reasonable request made from a place of honesty and respect.
I wish you comfort and security now, and a marriage as spicy as your parents’ in the future.
Dear Prudence ponders the big questions from her Viroqua township home. She invites you to give her more food for thought. Send questions to Dear Prudence at P.O. Box 265,
Viroqua, WI 54665 or dearprudence@kickapoofreepress.com. All letter writers remain anonymous.
